When I was younger and full of spunk, that was my answer.
But that was before society crashed into my psyche and started asking why I do nearly everything I do. Why do you do that? What were you thinking? What was your motive? What do you suppose happened? What will you do in the future to change?
I’ve apologized for so many things I’ve done, small and large, until I feel like I’m going to break. Self-esteem has hit rock bottom off and on for 50 years. And you know what? I don’t know why I do a lot of things. And I’m tired of explaining, justifying, apologizing.
I finally remembered something my mom said years ago, and it’s my mantra now. “Because it seemed like a good idea at the time.”
This is my philosophy from now on. Why not?
(Downloaded from FB, photographer unknown but want to credit whoever made this wonderful photo!)
Yes! And the other one is “what, where, how” What are you doing, what are your goals, where are you going, how long will you be there? Kind of squeezes out spontaneity when you are constantly asked to report and explain. I love this post Nina. Why isn’t the right question. You are art in motion. People would be wise to listen and observe… be lightened and moved.
If only, Niya! I love your words. So supportive. It’s one of those “running into the kelp” periods. Getting tangled, need to relax and let the current loosen the hold. Miss you, xoxo.
That is such a great expression — running into the kelp. Without knowing what’s going on, I can easily relate. Me too as I stalk some major decisions. I turn one way and slip, another and get tangled. And just when I’m sure I know the way, it turns out I was going north not south and there’s another kelp bed. Wish we had an espresso and a bee to walk and chat. I still think of your bee walk. Adorable.
Thank you, Niya. It’s about time for another bee walk now that the sun is shining!
You capture so much here Nina. We are but a collection of moments, ideas than occur in a given context and would could never be the same again. Decisions too. I have accepted I need to take decisions sometimes before I truly understand what it is a want or should do ‘for the best’. I love this about me now. It means I am alive. Imperfect. Very. But alive.
How I wish we could have caught up this time round. You are a precious person and I won’t let you escape a coffee or three when I’m next in our beloved Umbria. xox
Can’t wait for you to come back. I promise life will be easier! xoxo.